In the world xseño Paula took me up una montaña to where the children tend to hunt for certain fruits. They are small and sometimes round and different colors. They taste so sweet, sometimes I had to suck my tongue in an embrace to the roof of my mouth, the flavor was so overwhelmingly satisfying. Paula let me eat until I was full, and she laughed at me many times. I didn't mind. I enjoy having her nearby. I like to see her face in that shape, her cheeks tight in knots below her eyes, her eyes flickering something like light. This is something so different than the world I am from, something so distant, almost inexistent. I do not miss where I am from here, I do not miss who I am with. For this I feel sadness, perhaps regret, perhaps disappointment in myself. Am I wrong to feel such things? Am I wrong to wish I was here instead of back there? I am lost in between thoughts, I dream of only here when I am home but when I am here, well home is freckle on my skin.
   Still, there are more important things. Mi hermano has not returned in three days. I blame it on el jefe and his gang, perhaps he is on a task, or far worse he could be on a test. El jefe and his crew are known to bestow cruel things on the newcomers. One time a young boy was tied up to a post for six days without food or water. It was a test. No one knows how he survived before el monstruo had clawed at his stomach and gnawed at his shins. He had bled to death, and the story is said that el jefe only said "pobre hijo" and walked away at the sight. El jefe is disturbed at nothing, he feels nothing, he has no moral, no self respect. The only respect he gets is forced upon others like the dust we breath. One more day without mi hermano and I will go looking for him. I am not afraid of el jefe. Xseño has given me strength, strength to believe in something more, some kernel of emotion I am not used to, something that seems only possible when hope is brought back inside. Still, I know this world to be a harsh one, I will not be a fool to think hope will stay at this doorstep without persuasion.